Baptism by Dungbombs
by ForeverLaDonna
Summary: (one-shot) "I've heard of baptism by fire, but baptism by dungbombs?" McGonagall sighed. Last chapter of the Bedfellows universe.


Disclaimer: Harry Potter is from the creative genius that is J.K. Rowling. I am not her. This is merely a fan fiction to tide us over until Book 6.

A/N: This is the last I'm going to write in the Bedfellows universe. I hope to finish the Longbottom Rose and take a break for awhile unless inspiration strikes.

Just to let those of you who haven't read the other three stories (Bedfellows, Two Weeks and Consequences of Being Bedfellows) here is a summary: Harry and Ginny are married. Their oldest son is named Albus Sirus Potter. Ron and Hermione are married. They have two daughters and a son by the time this story takes place. Fred and George and their spouses have numerous children including Fred's son Peeves and George's son Georgie. Mrs. Weasley is deceased (though she can see what's going on from Heaven.) Dumbledore's retired . . . and if you want to read between the lines something may be going on between Tonks and Remus.

"Attention all we have an announcement to make," Harry Potter said standing at the head of the table.

It was late September at the Potter's home. The backyard, which went on for literally miles, was filed with redheads, a few darker-haired children and adults, a few older witches and wizards and a witch with hot pink hair. In total, there were 34 people there – many under age 12. There would be more people there, but Hogwarts was already in session, so quite a few children were missing the festivities.

Ginny Potter looked across the table at her father as her husband took ahold of her hand. Arthur Weasley had a large smile on his face. He knew that he would soon be expecting another grandchild to add to his other 25.

"We're expecting another Potter early next year," Harry said beaming with pride.

The table went up in cheers and congratulations. Soon the children ran off into a nearby field to play, while the adults gathered around talking.

"See Harry we told you didn't we?" said George as he and Fred walked up to where Harry was standing talking with Tonks and Remus.

"That's right," said Fred. "You and Ginny are like rabbits on Viagra newly released from Azkaban."

"I'm not saying anything," Harry replied smiling.

"I don't know how you do it, wait I take that back I do know how you do it, but I don't know how you manage to stay sane with this many little ones," said Fred as a small explosion went off near the field where the children were playing.

"FRED, GEORGE COME HERE THIS MINUTE AND DEAL WITH YOUR SONS!!!" screamed their wives.

"We've got to go," the twins said before taking off in a sprint.

Several people began to laugh.

"They are right about something. How many kids does that make now?" Tonks asked

"Twelve," said Harry happily. "That's counting Webster, Nigel and Ruby."

Remus looked over to the three orphans Ginny and Harry had adopted when their son Albus was four. Ginny and Harry had been at the orphanage for a benefit that year and Ginny had found the trio. The director had explained no one wanted to adopt all three children, though several had wanted to adopt one or two of them. The director had said the siblings would probably remain there together until the eldest went off to Hogwarts than the others would be separated to be adopted. Ginny of course would have none of that. Within a month, the three siblings found themselves adopted by the Potters with two brothers and another one on the way.

Since that time, Ginny and Harry had five other children - including a set of twins.

"Goodness, 12 children in about 12 years!" Tonks exclaimed.

"You know they did teach you all contraception charms at Hogwarts," Remus said smiling.

"Really?" said Harry smirking. "I must have been in the hospital wing for that lesson."

"All right the two of you that's enough," Ginny said smiling as she walked up and linked her arm with her husband's. "I promised Harry a girl, and Merlin knows we've had all those dresses with Lily embroidered on them for 11 years. But truly Harry this has to be the last one so you had better pray the midwitch is right that it's a girl. I'm outnumbered as it is just me and Ruby to 11 men."

"I'd thought you'd be used to being outnumbered by now sis," said Ron as he and Hermione walked up to them. "Though quite a few will be leaving for Hogwarts soon."

"Yes," said Ginny sadly. "Albus goes next year."

"Then Webster and my namesake the next," said Remus.

"Sometimes I think that's all Hogwarts is going to be full of these next few years are Potters and Weasleys," said Hermione. "We should probably open our own school. Though I wouldn't want to deal with any of Fred and George's children. I thought Peeves and Georgie were bad, but all of them are like that."

"It's genetic," said Angelina as she made her way to the group. "and I married into it. So help me I cast at least a thousand repairo spells a day. I wanted to talk to Dumbledore about making everything in my house flameproof, explosion-proof and well Weasley Wheezes proof. Where did he go?"

"He asked to be the one to tell McGonagall the good news," said Remus. "He'll be back shortly."

"That ought to be interesting," said Ron. "You should see the amount of letters from McGonagall Fred and George get now that their children are at Hogwarts. McGonagall must be in a tizzy to hear there will be more Potters coming."

"I wonder what that's going to be like," said Ginny.

Albus Dumbledore sat in his old office and watched as a very tired and harrowed McGonagall walked into the office. Her hair was falling out of the bun she had put it in, her robes were stained with some sort of goo and she looked as if she had a pounding headache. Not to mention there was a stench of dungbombs in the air.

"Good afternoon Minerva," Dumbledore said cheerfully as the new headmistress sat down across from him.

"That's your opinion Albus. It's been a very trying day. I don't know how you managed being headmaster for so long."

"Care to talk about it?" he said waving his wand to get rid of the stench.

"I've heard of baptism by fire, by baptism by dungbombs? I swear you planned this on purpose," McGonagall stated as she waved her wand and a tea set appeared on the desk.

"Alas you have unraveled my treacherous plan," Dumbledore teased, his eyes twinkling.

"Don't play coy with me Albus," McGonagall snapped. "You knew damned well this would happen when Fred and George Weasley's children came here. One Peeves is bad enough, but two!"

"I'm sure Minerva that it's not –"

"I would not finish that sentence if I were you, unless you want to spend the rest of your life transfigured into a toilet seat."

"A toilet seat?"

"Thank Peeves Weasley for that. He transfigured Race Markon into a toilet seat and put him in Myrtle's bathroom, convinced Binns that he needed to take Viagra for more students to pay attention to him, somehow rendered Severus bald and charmed the Slytherin table to sing INAPPROPRIATE limericks, which may I add the Bloody Baron keeps singing, and that was all before lunch Thursday. And do you know the worst part?'

"Enlighten me," Dumbledore said clearly amused as he sat back in his chair.

"I can't prove any of it!" sighed McGonagall. "Markon won't tell me out of fear of retaliation of the rest of the Weasleys, Binns won't admit it, Snape didn't see it, and the Bloody Baron loves the limericks and wants them to stay!"

A chuckle escaped Dumbledore's lips.

"It isn't funny Albus."

"I beg to differ Minerva," he said before reaching out and grabbing a hold of her hand. "And what about Georgie"

Minerva sighed again and pulled her hand away. "He's always with Peeves – his cousin or the poltergeist. I can't even yell at them you know. I yell Peeves and the other one shows up, I say Weasley and half the Gryffindor table and Bill's two at the Ravenclaw table stand up, and it's going to get worse next year when Potter's son starts."

"Really? You wouldn't be accusing my namesake of being a troublemaker would you Minerva?"

McGonagall's lips twitched up into a sly smith. "I wonder if Ginny Potter was aware she named her eldest son after the three biggest troublemakers Hogwarts has ever seen, not to mention that getting into trouble is almost a genetic trait for those two families."

"Now Minerva –"

"Don't now Minerva me. You know it's the truth. It's not bad enough to be named after Sirus Black and James Potter, but you too. The Fat Friar, Bloody Baron and Sir Nicholas still talk about some of the pranks you pulled here as a student sometimes."

"It wasn't that bad."

"You charmed all the Slytherins' clothing pink for a whole week and during that time if any of them opened their mouths the only thing that would come out would be 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts' or 'there is something foul in the state of Denmark.' Then you transfigured their trousers into alligators during a Hogsmeade weekend. Do you have any idea how many students the Bloody Baron says were sent to the infirmary for bites to their bums?"

"They could never prove that was me."

"Don't you even try to deny getting the house elves to serve nothing but sweets for a whole month during your third year."

"All right then I won't."

McGonagall chuckled. "Really Albus it's no use arguing with you. Not that I don't appreciate you being here while I rant, but why are you here?"

"To deliver wondrous news."

"The board of governors has granted me my sanity back and you're returning as headmaster?" she asked hopefully.

"No, I've just been to the Potters?"

"Has Harry been tapped for the next Minister of Magic as the paper said?"

"No, not yet. Tthe Potters are expecting another child. Just think Minerva in the next 12 year's you'll have 12 Potters and at least 14 Weasleys here at Hogwarts. Minerva?"

The new headmistress placed her head in her hands.

"I think I would prefer to be fighting Death Eaters," she sighed as she got up. "The worse they would do to you is kill you, not drive you insane while smiling and throwing dungbombs and canary creams at you."

"Where are you going Minerva?"

"To ask Severus to make a lifetime supply of his headache cure and impenetrable polish for the floors before he hands in his resignation or dies of a heart attack when I tell him there will soon be 26 Weasleys and Potters running around."

Albus laughed as the headmaster's door opened and McGonagall was bombarded with water balloons.

"PEEVES!" she bellowed.

"Yes?" came two very different voices.

Smiling Dumbledore got up and decided to help out a bit before going back to the party. This was going to be interesting.


End file.
